The late afternoon sun pours through the window, pooling on the floor beneath his feet; gilding
him in gold. He glances over at the airline tickets littering the hall table, at the pile of luggage
sitting by the door and his lips twitch in a helpless smile.
"Don't mess with the packing, Lij," Sean had warned him that morning. He had sounded so
much like Sam that Elijah couldn't resist leaning over the kitchen counter for a kiss. What had
started out light and playful soon deepened and intensified; the ardor that three years hadn't
quenched consumed them, and breakfast had been abandoned in favor of another kind of
sustenance. Their lovemaking had been joyful and unhurried, and entwined together in the
afterglow, they had talked about their plans for the long-awaited vacation. It was the stuff of
Elijah's dreams - a whole indulgent week on the Hawaiian island of Maui, isolated on the
seaside estate of a friend's friend, yet near enough to civilization if they missed it. It was a
respite they both needed desperately, for in four weeks time the media circus leading up to
the premieres of the 'Two Towers' would begin.
Two months of interviews and photo shoots, of public venues where any displays of affection
were frowned upon. Two months of pretending to be nothing more than best mates and fellow
hobbits.
Two months of media hell.
"...I mean it, Doodle." Sean was still obsessing over the packing. "If you remember something
you absolutely can't live without, just toss it in the carry-on bag - I'll take care of it." Elijah had
run a lazy hand over Sean's newly defined abs and lean flanks and kissed a nipple in wordless
reply. A white-sugar beach, a blood-warm sea and his beautiful Sean in nothing but his skin.
Yes. The possibilities seemed endless. He couldn't wait.
~~~o~~~
The prickle of arousal he feels at the surge of memory dissipates when his eyes fall on the
hallway clock. More than an hour late. This isn't like Sean at all. Elijah extracts his mobile and
speed-dials for the umpteenth time. The ensuing recording mocks his efforts and his knuckles
whiten as he resists the impulse to hurl the instrument across the room in frustration.
Where the fuck are you, Sean? Goddamnit - turn the fucking phone on! He leans his forehead
against the window, blessing the comfort of the cool glass on his heated skin. Oh god...
Seanie...please...
They're not gonna make the flight now. Not with airport security the way it is. Not on an
international flight; not if they hope to avoid undue attention. He suppresses the thought with
a wince. The fuck he cares about publicity. He just wants Sean to come home.
The sudden shrilling of the phone in his hand startles him badly. He doesn't recognize the
number on caller-ID and his heart sinks to his toes.
"Hello?"
"Elwood?" Sean's voice is thick and raspy. "I'm at the hospital. Ally tripped at the party and
fell - hit her head somehow - I don't know - so much blood..." he falters as he gropes for
composure. "Five stitches, Lij. She's being x-rayed now."
Elijah barely hears him through the pounding of his heart. Safe, safe, safe, thrums in his ears.
Then the words register, and his eyes widen. Of all possibilities, this is one he'd never
considered.
"Oh babes - d'you need me to be there?" He grabs his keys and moves toward the door. "It
won't take me long."
"No need to come, love. Chris and Lizzy are here and some of the mothers from the party. I'm
okay. About the flight..."
"Don't worry about the flight, Sean." Elijah interrupts quickly. "I'll take care of everything.
Trust me, okay?"
Sean sighs. "You know I do, Doodle. Book a later one - tomorrow afternoon maybe - and you'd
better call Maui to let them know we'll be delayed."
"Uh - yeah." Elijah stiffens as he realizes belatedly what the delay is going to do to their plans.
"I'll try to get home tonight, but..." Voices murmur in the background. "I've got to go, Lij. Ally
wants me. Love you"
"Sean, are you...never mind. Love you too." There's a click and the phone goes dead.
Elijah slumps against the door and shuts his eyes. Then he slides slowly down to the floor and
the phone falls from his hand. He sits there, his thoughts adrift, as dusk smears the light with
sooty fingers and true night wraps him in shadow.
~~~o~~~
Spears of morning light rip ruthlessly through his eyelids, and Elijah groans in protest. He
turns on his side and reaches instinctively for Sean, but the warmth he seeks is missing. The
pillow's smooth - Sean hasn't come home after all. He lies staring into space for a long
moment, the remnants of half-remembered dreams slowly fading, and the tears that spill down
his cheeks glint in the sunlight.
It isn't as if you didn't expect it, anyway. He rubs the wetness away angrily and climbs out of
bed, stubbing his toe painfully on the jumble of luggage on the floor. Damn it, Sean! The
thought isn't enough, and he says it aloud. "Fuck it all."
It's going to be one of those days. He can already tell.
He spends most of the morning on the phone. When he's done, he feels restless, on edge.
Sean still hasn't called. Well, fuck it. He isn't phoning Christine's house - and he isn't waiting
around.
The mall is busy and extremely annoying and he hurries through his shopping. He's just getting
back into his car when his phone rings.
"Lij?" His heart leaps at the sound of Sean's voice and his breathing quickens. "Where are
you?"
He resists the impulse to throw the question back. "Just leaving the mall, Sean. How's Ally
doing?"
"She's fine, love. Um - meet me at the house in thirty minutes? I'm already on my way." A
heartbeat's pause. "We need to talk."
"Yeah - guess we do. Okay. I'll see you there." Elijah flips the phone shut and stares ahead for
a moment, eyes blank and unseeing.
~~~o~~~
Sean coasts to a stop behind the BMW and pries his fingers off the steering wheel. He flexes
them absently and stares up at the silent house in disquiet. His partner had sounded odd;
constrained and careful - not-Elijah. Not the cheerful, chattering monkey-man he loved. The
uncommon restraint worries Sean profoundly. Why do I always have to do this to him? His
mouth is bone-dry with apprehension. How long before he can't take it anymore?
A movement at the window catches his eye. He watches the pale figure move, blurring, fading
into the interior gloom.
Waiting.
The hallway is quiet and empty. Sean calls Elijah's name and he appears from the direction of
the kitchen, a mug of coffee cradled in his hands. The brilliant blue eyes raised to his seem to
light the room with their soft glow. He hands the mug to Sean with a smile and moves away.
Later, Sean would wonder if the coffee had done double duty as a shield, forestalling closer
contact.
"Uh - Lij, about the flight..."
Elijah's eyes darken and turn somber and measuring. "We're not going, are we." The words
have a weary finality, a sullen resignation. "Sean..."
"Baby, please." Sean feels desperation catch at his throat. He grabs Elijah's hand and pulls
him into the kitchen, sending the mug clattering onto the counter. Then he shoves Elijah into
a chair and bars the way.
"Oh god, Lij... Look, I'm sorry, damnit. So sorry. I know how much we - how much we've looked
forward to this trip. But I can't, I just can't. Ally clings to me so. This has scared her so badly."
Sean can no longer look into the steady blue eyes. He turns away and begins to pace, his
footsteps dragging on the tiled floor. "Lizzy's just a baby. Chris can't handle both of them - not
with Ally hurt and needy. This is my responsibility, Lij." He drops onto his knees beside the
chair and reaches for Elijah's hand. "There will be other times, other places. Please, say you
understand..."
"Sean. Sean, I tried to tell you." Elijah lays his free hand against Sean's face and strokes it
gently. "I do understand. What do you take me for, anyway? Don't you think I know you by
now?" He leans forward and places a soft kiss on the curly hair. "I canceled the flight,
Seanie. I didn't book another one. Barry understands too. He phoned Maui for me and took
care of that end. I did hope - but it's okay, really."
Sean's knees go weak with relief. He lets himself fall forward, his head coming to rest in
Elijah's lap. He shuts his eyes and sinks into the moment, breathing deeply of the familiar
musky scent; taking comfort in the warmth of the firm thighs, the fingers combing through his
hair. Wishing he could just burrow into Elijah, just lose himself in him, in the surety of a love
that put his lover's need before his own. And the rest of the world could dry up and blow away
- and he wouldn't. Give. A. Shit.
"Love. Sean. Hey, I can't feel my legs, Astin!" Elijah's laughing voice breaks into his reverie.
Sean looks up with a start. Elijah looks down at him, a smile playing about his lips, and Sean's
heart misses a beat. God - he's so beautiful... and he asks himself for the thousandth time,
What the hell does he see in me?
The moment is gone, vanished, but the warmth stays, and spreads. He gets to his feet - it's
easier now with all the extra weight gone - and pulls Elijah up with him. The slender body
slides up against his, a sensuous whisper of cloth and skin, roughening where their arousals
meet.
Sean raises a teasing eyebrow. "Thought you were numb, Elwood."
"Only my legs, Seanie. The important bit's still very much alive, thank you."
Sean's reply is lost into the heat of Elijah's open mouth as it descends upon his with urgent
force. He barely registers the grip of strong fingers on his hips, pulling and pushing, through
the haze of arousal and the roaring in his ears. The kiss deepens, tongues thrusting, their
heads weaving fluidly, angling for the most intimate crevices they can reach. The jolt of his
back meeting the counter distracts him for a moment, reminding him of the need for oxygen,
and other things. T-shirts are pushed upward, fingers scrabble at stubborn buttons, jeans fall
to half-mast, and finally they're skin to skin, cock to rock-hard cock. Elijah gives a sobbing
moan and buries his face in the crook of Sean's neck, his breath puffing hot and fast. They
thrust frantically against each other, and the unbearable pressure begins to build; their rhythm
turns ragged; and they scream their release into the silence and the echoes of their climax
reverberate through their bodies and through the silent house.
It seems a long time before they move again, clinging to the counter with trembling fingers.
Their eyes meet, still dilated, and shift away again, oddly shy. There had been a disturbing
element of desperation in the encounter, subtly reminiscent of the early days in New Zealand,
when love had taken them unawares and the future had been so uncertain. It worries Sean,
and he nerves himself to speak when he catches a glimpse of the kitchen clock over Elijah's
shoulder.
"Shit, I've gotta go, love. Promised Ally I'd be back to help with dinner and bedtime." He moves
to the sink to wet a towel, towing Elijah with him, and they clean up quickly.
Elijah darts into the living room and returns with a shopping bag. "Here - this is for Ally. Read
her a bedtime story for me, okay? And - tell her I love her."
"She knows, Lij. She may not understand our relationship, but she knows you love her - and
she loves you too."
They stand in the doorway, hand in hand, and Elijah summons up a tremulous smile, opens his
hand and lets Sean go.
As Sean drives away, the feeling of disquiet returns. A nagging feeling of something not quite
right. The mercurial shift of Elijah's mood; desolation into passion. And he realizes what had
bothered him at the last. The light of the setting sun had fallen full upon Elijah's face,
revealing the tracks of dried wetness upon his cheek. Sean raises a trembling hand to his
shoulder, and his fingers encounter a damp patch on the material. He knows that it will taste
of tears, salty and bitter, and his heart contracts in fear.
~~~o~~~
"I'm a selfish fucking cunt." Elijah stares into his coffee cup, as if trying to read his future in
the grounds.
Orli has a weekend free from shooting his latest movie, and they are sitting in a quiet sidewalk
cafe in downtown LA.. Both are hiding behind designer shades, and keeping a sharp eye out
for paparazzi.
He's taken aback by the outburst, and he favors his friend with a disbelieving glance. "You?"
he snorts. "Don't be stupid, Elwood. You're generous to a fault. Why the bloody hell would you
think that?"
There's a long silence while Elijah gathers his thoughts. "I wonder sometimes if I made a
mistake," he says slowly. "If I hadn't told Sean how I felt, he wouldn't be so torn in two now. It
hurts him, Orli, it hurts him so fucking bad when he thinks he has to choose between me and
the girls." He sighs ruefully. "I know, I know - families break up all the time. But Sean's
different - he's so good, so responsible - and he's carried a shit-load of guilt for so long." He
fumbles for a clove and lights it, drawing the scented smoke deep. "He could've been whole -
if not for me."
The scrape of metal against the pavement distracts him, and he looks up with a start. Orli has
removed his shades and is leaning forward, his eyes on his friend. "Elijah Jordan Wood. Are
you trying to tell me that you wish the last three years hadn't happened? That you're regretting
you and Sean now?" Orli makes a long arm and whisks the sunglasses off Elijah's face. "Look
at me and tell me - are you?"
The unmasked blue eyes are shimmering with unshed tears and Elijah grabs Orli's wrist and
snatches back the shades. He replaces them with an angry shove and hisses back, "Are you
mad, man? Regret Sean? Regret the three most amazing years of my life? Fuck - no!"
Orli relaxes slightly and then frowns. "So why are you a, quote, 'selfish fucking cunt'?"
"I can't help it, Orli. I - I just wish that Sean was completely mine; body and soul, and I know he
can't be. Shouldn't be. Ever. He's got the girls to think of and - hell - I would never want him to
be less of a father to them." His laugh is devoid of mirth. "Mine abandoned me and I fucking
know how that feels."
Orli looks at him quizzically. "Perfectly normal reaction, Elwood. A little selfishness means that
you're sane, normal and, like you're so fond of saying, 'just like everyone else'." He falls silent
for a moment. "Actually - I feel that way about Viggo and me, sometimes. The family thing isn't
as intense, Henry being a lot older - but you know, there's his art and - well."
"I can't stand it; it poisons everything I do with him. I feel this lump of self-pity in my chest, I
feel like bawling like a baby and I fucking hate it!" Elijah brings his fist down hard on the table
in frustration.
They stare at each other in perfect understanding. Orlando looks away after a moment and
whispers.
"Yeah."
~~~o~~~
It's a late summer's afternoon, sticky and warm. The photo shoot had gone on longer than it
should have, and already the shadows lengthen as the day segues into dusk.
Sean meets him at the door with a hug and a sniff.
"Hey!" he exclaims in mock anger. "I smell perfume! Cheating on me already, Ringbearer?"
"Veree funny, Astin. Haha. You know perfectly well it's Liv's. I think she used the whole damn
bottle." Elijah nuzzles the soft skin under Sean's chin. "I'm beat, love."
"Okay - go take a nice hot shower." Sean takes him by the shoulders and steers him towards
the stairs. "Dinner's almost ready. Don't be long."
Elijah takes him at his word and is done in record time. He re-enters the kitchen and stops in
surprise. Dinner and Sean are nowhere in evidence and he frowns. puzzled. Then he hears soft
footsteps and strong arms enfold him from behind. Sean says one word...
"Come," and takes him by the hand.
Barefoot, they go out onto the deck and down the steps to their private beach. The sunset is
breathtakingly beautiful, a canvas splashed with flaming color by a profligate hand. There's a
kind of hush upon the land at this hour, and it's easy to imagine that there's no one but
themselves in all the world. Nothing but fire, and shadow, and each other.
Sean draws Elijah to him and the sunfire is reflected in his eyes. A sweet fragrance drifts up
and Elijah's eyes widen as a lei of creamy orchids settles about his neck. Sean smiles as he
hands another lei to his lover and bends his head to receive it.
"Sean - what -" Sean shakes his head and lays his fingers on soft lips.
"Later, love," and takes him by the hand again.
He leads Elijah down the beach to where a pale shadow leans out of the gathering darkness.
A lighter snaps, a tongue of flame leaps and they stand in the golden light of four tiki torches
thrust into the sand. The pale blob has coalesced into a three-sided lean-to, framed in
aluminum and covered with silken cloth, the open side facing the ocean. Beneath this shelter
is spread a large carpet figured in blue and piled with cushions and soft rugs. A portable grill
is set well to one side, the mouth-watering aroma of Texas ribs filling the air, while beside it a
low table is set with salad, French bread and a bottle of wine chilling in a silver pail.
Elijah is wordless, his eyes wide in surprise. Warm breath stirs the orchid petals, and Sean
says softly, "Do you like it, baby? I know I can't make up for what we missed, but I wanted to
try anyway."
A tremulous smile lights Elijah's face and he wraps his arms about Sean's neck. "It's perfect,
Sean; but you know you didn't have to..." Sean shakes his head quickly, and Elijah subsides.
"Hush, babes - I did have to, y'know. My supposedly-extensive vocabulary doesn't help when I
can't find the right words to tell you, or when words aren't enough - then I have to show you -
how much I love you. And how much I need you."
"Oh god, Babes - I love you too - so much." Elijah tightens his arms and draws Sean's mouth
down for a dizzying kiss; and the echo of a murmured Thank you... hangs suspended in the
evening air.
A bit later...another whisper, and a giggle. "A luau, Sean? Nope. Arabian Nights - by way of
Hawaii."
Later still...
"Seanie?"
"Mmmmm?"
"I'm hungry."
A soft laugh. "Your feast awaits."
~~~o~~~
Soft music plays from a portable stereo and the grill still exudes a pleasant warmth; while
overhead, the night sky shimmers with a sweep of stars.
Sean drains his glass and gets to his feet. He goes and snuffs the tikis out on the sand,
leaving the farthest one alight. The palpable heat of Elijah's gaze is a brand upon his skin as
he returns and holds out his hand in silent invitation, the torchlight flickering golden in his
eyes. Elijah takes the proffered hand and smiles, a smile of such heart-stopping sweetness; it
fair takes Sean's breath away. Cobalt eyes shift into midnight blue, dark with desire; Elijah
pulls hard and Sean collapses atop him in an explosion of cushions. They roll over, gasping,
hands kneading eager flesh, mouths open, clinging, avid; wet trails traced on silky skin.
Clothes and orchids are ripped off, flung every which way, bare bodies caressed by the breeze,
redolent of salt and the lingering warmth of the day. Elijah moans in protest when Sean pulls
away, only to arch his back, shuddering, when soft lips close on sensitive skin. He is cupped in
a warm hand and Sean takes him deep into his throat, stroking trembling thighs until they fall
open in abject surrender.
"Seandidyoubringlube?" Elijah gasps and blinks dazedly as Sean's reply penetrates his sensual
haze.
"Of course, but... Lijah - please. I want you inside me," Sean whispers raggedly.
Blue eyes stare at him, suddenly alert. "But you've never - are you sure?"
"I'm sure, Lij," Sean moves up to lie beside him and caress his cheek. "I really do want this - if
you're okay with it."
What has happened to staid, conservative and careful Sean? Elijah shivers as he realizes what
is being offered to him. A total reversal of roles. Complete and utter trust. His eyes fill as he
accepts the gift. "Sean, I - I want to love you in every way possible." A wave of tenderness
washes over him and he whispers, "All you ever have to do is ask. You and I - we'll always be
okay."
Elijah stuffs a cushion under Sean's hips, kneels between his thighs and scatters soft kisses
over the taut skin of his stomach, reaching down to stroke Sean's cock to full and aching
hardness. He squeezes out a generous handful of lube and coats himself, gasping softly at the
touch, then moves slick fingers to Sean's ass and inserts a gentle finger, massaging the tight
ring of muscle until it gives. Their eyes meet, and Sean smiles encouragingly. Elijah adds one
more finger, then another, probes, finds, presses firmly, and watches Sean convulse in
surprise. Then he withdraws his fingers and replaces them with his eager cock. He pushes
forward slowly, and meets no resistance. He looks up, panting - Sean nods once, and he goes
deep, in one slow thrust; deep into clenching heat, burying himself to the hilt in his beloved
with a cry of joy.
Sean bites back a gasp at the hot surge of pain. Elijah holds still, quivering, allowing Sean's
body to accustom itself to the intrusion. Then Sean relaxes with a sigh and Elijah begins to
move, silken-sure. Part of Sean's mind, the analytical part, registers the unfamiliar sensation -
the rest of him dissolves, drowned in a swelling wave of pleasure; pinpricks of heat sparkling,
spreading over his skin.
Sean moves his legs higher over Elijah's arms, the better to see his lover's face. Elijah's
expression is solemn, forehead knit with concentration as he pulls back until only the head of
his prick connects them, and he stares down at their joining with wonder alight on his face.
Then his eyes flutter shut and his mouth falls open as he strokes deep with a groan; his fingers
dig into Sean's thighs as his rhythm falters and need rises in him in an urgent tide. Once,
twice, three times he thrusts, hard and fast, angling to hit that sweetest spot, and they cry out
as the pulsing climax takes them both, rising like molten lava, thick and searing, boiling over
to flood the world.
They are wrapped in starlight, cradled in moonlight as they float slowly back to earth. Elijah
withdraws slowly, and subsides onto Sean's chest with a weary sigh of contentment.
"Was it good, babes?" Elijah in shy mode is utterly adorable, and Sean smiles lovingly.
"Fishing for compliments, Lij?" Sean nuzzles the soft hair. "It was amazing - <i>you</i> were
amazing. And we'll definitely do it again." The night air is turning chilly, and he pulls a rug over
to cover them both.
"Sean?"
"Hmm?"
"Um - do you ever regret anything, love? I mean - I see you hurt so much sometimes." He looks
up hesitantly. "You're torn in two still. You'll never be whole."
Sean strokes his cheek with a tender finger. "But I am, Lij; my heart, all the passion I'm
capable of, is completely in your keeping. My love for my children is a different sort entirely. It
doesn't burn me, or consume me - it doesn't take my breath away. Doesn't diminish what is
yours alone."
He cups Elijah's chin in his large hand and looks into the glistening eyes for a long moment.
"Is this what's been eating at you lately?"
Elijah nods sheepishly. "Uh - that and being insanely jealous of Ally." Sean laughs fondly. "You
never - silly hobbit." His arms tighten around Elijah and he confesses, "What you took for hurt
was actually sheer terror. All the plans that went nowhere, the lost opportunities, the ruined
expectations - I've been so scared too, you know. Scared that you wouldn't understand,
terrified that you'd give up on us. Women all over the world adore you and I'm an older man
with -"
He stops when a firm hand covers his mouth. Elijah smiles and shakes his head. "It'll never
happen, Sean. I'll be yours always, if you'll let me. Nothing else matters, you know."
They lie quietly under the stars, completely absorbed in each other. Sean speaks softly, and his
voice is a singing in the moon-lit dark. "We made a promise once, you and I. Do you
remember? After Cirith Ungol, when we chose our road and knew it would be hard. To be
honest with each other, and not to hide the things that matter." He sighs. "I guess we lost
sight of that. Only three years - and we still forgot."
Elijah squirms around and props himself up on Sean's chest. His eyes blaze with
determination, and Sean feels the heat of them on his skin. "We'll promise it again, baby.
Again and again - as often as it takes. Eventually we'll remember; it'll be like your golf and
muscle memory. It'll take lots of patience, but we'll get there, I know we will. 'Cause I love you -
and I plan to be with you for fucking forever."
The torch gutters and goes out, and the beach is paved with moonlight. Soft laughter swells
over the silken sigh of the surf, winnowing through the sand. The moon exerts her pull upon
the waters and on the sea that is a part of everyone; and they rise with her, love under her
light, and revel in...
...sweet lunacy...
The End
him in gold. He glances over at the airline tickets littering the hall table, at the pile of luggage
sitting by the door and his lips twitch in a helpless smile.
"Don't mess with the packing, Lij," Sean had warned him that morning. He had sounded so
much like Sam that Elijah couldn't resist leaning over the kitchen counter for a kiss. What had
started out light and playful soon deepened and intensified; the ardor that three years hadn't
quenched consumed them, and breakfast had been abandoned in favor of another kind of
sustenance. Their lovemaking had been joyful and unhurried, and entwined together in the
afterglow, they had talked about their plans for the long-awaited vacation. It was the stuff of
Elijah's dreams - a whole indulgent week on the Hawaiian island of Maui, isolated on the
seaside estate of a friend's friend, yet near enough to civilization if they missed it. It was a
respite they both needed desperately, for in four weeks time the media circus leading up to
the premieres of the 'Two Towers' would begin.
Two months of interviews and photo shoots, of public venues where any displays of affection
were frowned upon. Two months of pretending to be nothing more than best mates and fellow
hobbits.
Two months of media hell.
"...I mean it, Doodle." Sean was still obsessing over the packing. "If you remember something
you absolutely can't live without, just toss it in the carry-on bag - I'll take care of it." Elijah had
run a lazy hand over Sean's newly defined abs and lean flanks and kissed a nipple in wordless
reply. A white-sugar beach, a blood-warm sea and his beautiful Sean in nothing but his skin.
Yes. The possibilities seemed endless. He couldn't wait.
~~~o~~~
The prickle of arousal he feels at the surge of memory dissipates when his eyes fall on the
hallway clock. More than an hour late. This isn't like Sean at all. Elijah extracts his mobile and
speed-dials for the umpteenth time. The ensuing recording mocks his efforts and his knuckles
whiten as he resists the impulse to hurl the instrument across the room in frustration.
Where the fuck are you, Sean? Goddamnit - turn the fucking phone on! He leans his forehead
against the window, blessing the comfort of the cool glass on his heated skin. Oh god...
Seanie...please...
They're not gonna make the flight now. Not with airport security the way it is. Not on an
international flight; not if they hope to avoid undue attention. He suppresses the thought with
a wince. The fuck he cares about publicity. He just wants Sean to come home.
The sudden shrilling of the phone in his hand startles him badly. He doesn't recognize the
number on caller-ID and his heart sinks to his toes.
"Hello?"
"Elwood?" Sean's voice is thick and raspy. "I'm at the hospital. Ally tripped at the party and
fell - hit her head somehow - I don't know - so much blood..." he falters as he gropes for
composure. "Five stitches, Lij. She's being x-rayed now."
Elijah barely hears him through the pounding of his heart. Safe, safe, safe, thrums in his ears.
Then the words register, and his eyes widen. Of all possibilities, this is one he'd never
considered.
"Oh babes - d'you need me to be there?" He grabs his keys and moves toward the door. "It
won't take me long."
"No need to come, love. Chris and Lizzy are here and some of the mothers from the party. I'm
okay. About the flight..."
"Don't worry about the flight, Sean." Elijah interrupts quickly. "I'll take care of everything.
Trust me, okay?"
Sean sighs. "You know I do, Doodle. Book a later one - tomorrow afternoon maybe - and you'd
better call Maui to let them know we'll be delayed."
"Uh - yeah." Elijah stiffens as he realizes belatedly what the delay is going to do to their plans.
"I'll try to get home tonight, but..." Voices murmur in the background. "I've got to go, Lij. Ally
wants me. Love you"
"Sean, are you...never mind. Love you too." There's a click and the phone goes dead.
Elijah slumps against the door and shuts his eyes. Then he slides slowly down to the floor and
the phone falls from his hand. He sits there, his thoughts adrift, as dusk smears the light with
sooty fingers and true night wraps him in shadow.
~~~o~~~
Spears of morning light rip ruthlessly through his eyelids, and Elijah groans in protest. He
turns on his side and reaches instinctively for Sean, but the warmth he seeks is missing. The
pillow's smooth - Sean hasn't come home after all. He lies staring into space for a long
moment, the remnants of half-remembered dreams slowly fading, and the tears that spill down
his cheeks glint in the sunlight.
It isn't as if you didn't expect it, anyway. He rubs the wetness away angrily and climbs out of
bed, stubbing his toe painfully on the jumble of luggage on the floor. Damn it, Sean! The
thought isn't enough, and he says it aloud. "Fuck it all."
It's going to be one of those days. He can already tell.
He spends most of the morning on the phone. When he's done, he feels restless, on edge.
Sean still hasn't called. Well, fuck it. He isn't phoning Christine's house - and he isn't waiting
around.
The mall is busy and extremely annoying and he hurries through his shopping. He's just getting
back into his car when his phone rings.
"Lij?" His heart leaps at the sound of Sean's voice and his breathing quickens. "Where are
you?"
He resists the impulse to throw the question back. "Just leaving the mall, Sean. How's Ally
doing?"
"She's fine, love. Um - meet me at the house in thirty minutes? I'm already on my way." A
heartbeat's pause. "We need to talk."
"Yeah - guess we do. Okay. I'll see you there." Elijah flips the phone shut and stares ahead for
a moment, eyes blank and unseeing.
~~~o~~~
Sean coasts to a stop behind the BMW and pries his fingers off the steering wheel. He flexes
them absently and stares up at the silent house in disquiet. His partner had sounded odd;
constrained and careful - not-Elijah. Not the cheerful, chattering monkey-man he loved. The
uncommon restraint worries Sean profoundly. Why do I always have to do this to him? His
mouth is bone-dry with apprehension. How long before he can't take it anymore?
A movement at the window catches his eye. He watches the pale figure move, blurring, fading
into the interior gloom.
Waiting.
The hallway is quiet and empty. Sean calls Elijah's name and he appears from the direction of
the kitchen, a mug of coffee cradled in his hands. The brilliant blue eyes raised to his seem to
light the room with their soft glow. He hands the mug to Sean with a smile and moves away.
Later, Sean would wonder if the coffee had done double duty as a shield, forestalling closer
contact.
"Uh - Lij, about the flight..."
Elijah's eyes darken and turn somber and measuring. "We're not going, are we." The words
have a weary finality, a sullen resignation. "Sean..."
"Baby, please." Sean feels desperation catch at his throat. He grabs Elijah's hand and pulls
him into the kitchen, sending the mug clattering onto the counter. Then he shoves Elijah into
a chair and bars the way.
"Oh god, Lij... Look, I'm sorry, damnit. So sorry. I know how much we - how much we've looked
forward to this trip. But I can't, I just can't. Ally clings to me so. This has scared her so badly."
Sean can no longer look into the steady blue eyes. He turns away and begins to pace, his
footsteps dragging on the tiled floor. "Lizzy's just a baby. Chris can't handle both of them - not
with Ally hurt and needy. This is my responsibility, Lij." He drops onto his knees beside the
chair and reaches for Elijah's hand. "There will be other times, other places. Please, say you
understand..."
"Sean. Sean, I tried to tell you." Elijah lays his free hand against Sean's face and strokes it
gently. "I do understand. What do you take me for, anyway? Don't you think I know you by
now?" He leans forward and places a soft kiss on the curly hair. "I canceled the flight,
Seanie. I didn't book another one. Barry understands too. He phoned Maui for me and took
care of that end. I did hope - but it's okay, really."
Sean's knees go weak with relief. He lets himself fall forward, his head coming to rest in
Elijah's lap. He shuts his eyes and sinks into the moment, breathing deeply of the familiar
musky scent; taking comfort in the warmth of the firm thighs, the fingers combing through his
hair. Wishing he could just burrow into Elijah, just lose himself in him, in the surety of a love
that put his lover's need before his own. And the rest of the world could dry up and blow away
- and he wouldn't. Give. A. Shit.
"Love. Sean. Hey, I can't feel my legs, Astin!" Elijah's laughing voice breaks into his reverie.
Sean looks up with a start. Elijah looks down at him, a smile playing about his lips, and Sean's
heart misses a beat. God - he's so beautiful... and he asks himself for the thousandth time,
What the hell does he see in me?
The moment is gone, vanished, but the warmth stays, and spreads. He gets to his feet - it's
easier now with all the extra weight gone - and pulls Elijah up with him. The slender body
slides up against his, a sensuous whisper of cloth and skin, roughening where their arousals
meet.
Sean raises a teasing eyebrow. "Thought you were numb, Elwood."
"Only my legs, Seanie. The important bit's still very much alive, thank you."
Sean's reply is lost into the heat of Elijah's open mouth as it descends upon his with urgent
force. He barely registers the grip of strong fingers on his hips, pulling and pushing, through
the haze of arousal and the roaring in his ears. The kiss deepens, tongues thrusting, their
heads weaving fluidly, angling for the most intimate crevices they can reach. The jolt of his
back meeting the counter distracts him for a moment, reminding him of the need for oxygen,
and other things. T-shirts are pushed upward, fingers scrabble at stubborn buttons, jeans fall
to half-mast, and finally they're skin to skin, cock to rock-hard cock. Elijah gives a sobbing
moan and buries his face in the crook of Sean's neck, his breath puffing hot and fast. They
thrust frantically against each other, and the unbearable pressure begins to build; their rhythm
turns ragged; and they scream their release into the silence and the echoes of their climax
reverberate through their bodies and through the silent house.
It seems a long time before they move again, clinging to the counter with trembling fingers.
Their eyes meet, still dilated, and shift away again, oddly shy. There had been a disturbing
element of desperation in the encounter, subtly reminiscent of the early days in New Zealand,
when love had taken them unawares and the future had been so uncertain. It worries Sean,
and he nerves himself to speak when he catches a glimpse of the kitchen clock over Elijah's
shoulder.
"Shit, I've gotta go, love. Promised Ally I'd be back to help with dinner and bedtime." He moves
to the sink to wet a towel, towing Elijah with him, and they clean up quickly.
Elijah darts into the living room and returns with a shopping bag. "Here - this is for Ally. Read
her a bedtime story for me, okay? And - tell her I love her."
"She knows, Lij. She may not understand our relationship, but she knows you love her - and
she loves you too."
They stand in the doorway, hand in hand, and Elijah summons up a tremulous smile, opens his
hand and lets Sean go.
As Sean drives away, the feeling of disquiet returns. A nagging feeling of something not quite
right. The mercurial shift of Elijah's mood; desolation into passion. And he realizes what had
bothered him at the last. The light of the setting sun had fallen full upon Elijah's face,
revealing the tracks of dried wetness upon his cheek. Sean raises a trembling hand to his
shoulder, and his fingers encounter a damp patch on the material. He knows that it will taste
of tears, salty and bitter, and his heart contracts in fear.
~~~o~~~
"I'm a selfish fucking cunt." Elijah stares into his coffee cup, as if trying to read his future in
the grounds.
Orli has a weekend free from shooting his latest movie, and they are sitting in a quiet sidewalk
cafe in downtown LA.. Both are hiding behind designer shades, and keeping a sharp eye out
for paparazzi.
He's taken aback by the outburst, and he favors his friend with a disbelieving glance. "You?"
he snorts. "Don't be stupid, Elwood. You're generous to a fault. Why the bloody hell would you
think that?"
There's a long silence while Elijah gathers his thoughts. "I wonder sometimes if I made a
mistake," he says slowly. "If I hadn't told Sean how I felt, he wouldn't be so torn in two now. It
hurts him, Orli, it hurts him so fucking bad when he thinks he has to choose between me and
the girls." He sighs ruefully. "I know, I know - families break up all the time. But Sean's
different - he's so good, so responsible - and he's carried a shit-load of guilt for so long." He
fumbles for a clove and lights it, drawing the scented smoke deep. "He could've been whole -
if not for me."
The scrape of metal against the pavement distracts him, and he looks up with a start. Orli has
removed his shades and is leaning forward, his eyes on his friend. "Elijah Jordan Wood. Are
you trying to tell me that you wish the last three years hadn't happened? That you're regretting
you and Sean now?" Orli makes a long arm and whisks the sunglasses off Elijah's face. "Look
at me and tell me - are you?"
The unmasked blue eyes are shimmering with unshed tears and Elijah grabs Orli's wrist and
snatches back the shades. He replaces them with an angry shove and hisses back, "Are you
mad, man? Regret Sean? Regret the three most amazing years of my life? Fuck - no!"
Orli relaxes slightly and then frowns. "So why are you a, quote, 'selfish fucking cunt'?"
"I can't help it, Orli. I - I just wish that Sean was completely mine; body and soul, and I know he
can't be. Shouldn't be. Ever. He's got the girls to think of and - hell - I would never want him to
be less of a father to them." His laugh is devoid of mirth. "Mine abandoned me and I fucking
know how that feels."
Orli looks at him quizzically. "Perfectly normal reaction, Elwood. A little selfishness means that
you're sane, normal and, like you're so fond of saying, 'just like everyone else'." He falls silent
for a moment. "Actually - I feel that way about Viggo and me, sometimes. The family thing isn't
as intense, Henry being a lot older - but you know, there's his art and - well."
"I can't stand it; it poisons everything I do with him. I feel this lump of self-pity in my chest, I
feel like bawling like a baby and I fucking hate it!" Elijah brings his fist down hard on the table
in frustration.
They stare at each other in perfect understanding. Orlando looks away after a moment and
whispers.
"Yeah."
~~~o~~~
It's a late summer's afternoon, sticky and warm. The photo shoot had gone on longer than it
should have, and already the shadows lengthen as the day segues into dusk.
Sean meets him at the door with a hug and a sniff.
"Hey!" he exclaims in mock anger. "I smell perfume! Cheating on me already, Ringbearer?"
"Veree funny, Astin. Haha. You know perfectly well it's Liv's. I think she used the whole damn
bottle." Elijah nuzzles the soft skin under Sean's chin. "I'm beat, love."
"Okay - go take a nice hot shower." Sean takes him by the shoulders and steers him towards
the stairs. "Dinner's almost ready. Don't be long."
Elijah takes him at his word and is done in record time. He re-enters the kitchen and stops in
surprise. Dinner and Sean are nowhere in evidence and he frowns. puzzled. Then he hears soft
footsteps and strong arms enfold him from behind. Sean says one word...
"Come," and takes him by the hand.
Barefoot, they go out onto the deck and down the steps to their private beach. The sunset is
breathtakingly beautiful, a canvas splashed with flaming color by a profligate hand. There's a
kind of hush upon the land at this hour, and it's easy to imagine that there's no one but
themselves in all the world. Nothing but fire, and shadow, and each other.
Sean draws Elijah to him and the sunfire is reflected in his eyes. A sweet fragrance drifts up
and Elijah's eyes widen as a lei of creamy orchids settles about his neck. Sean smiles as he
hands another lei to his lover and bends his head to receive it.
"Sean - what -" Sean shakes his head and lays his fingers on soft lips.
"Later, love," and takes him by the hand again.
He leads Elijah down the beach to where a pale shadow leans out of the gathering darkness.
A lighter snaps, a tongue of flame leaps and they stand in the golden light of four tiki torches
thrust into the sand. The pale blob has coalesced into a three-sided lean-to, framed in
aluminum and covered with silken cloth, the open side facing the ocean. Beneath this shelter
is spread a large carpet figured in blue and piled with cushions and soft rugs. A portable grill
is set well to one side, the mouth-watering aroma of Texas ribs filling the air, while beside it a
low table is set with salad, French bread and a bottle of wine chilling in a silver pail.
Elijah is wordless, his eyes wide in surprise. Warm breath stirs the orchid petals, and Sean
says softly, "Do you like it, baby? I know I can't make up for what we missed, but I wanted to
try anyway."
A tremulous smile lights Elijah's face and he wraps his arms about Sean's neck. "It's perfect,
Sean; but you know you didn't have to..." Sean shakes his head quickly, and Elijah subsides.
"Hush, babes - I did have to, y'know. My supposedly-extensive vocabulary doesn't help when I
can't find the right words to tell you, or when words aren't enough - then I have to show you -
how much I love you. And how much I need you."
"Oh god, Babes - I love you too - so much." Elijah tightens his arms and draws Sean's mouth
down for a dizzying kiss; and the echo of a murmured Thank you... hangs suspended in the
evening air.
A bit later...another whisper, and a giggle. "A luau, Sean? Nope. Arabian Nights - by way of
Hawaii."
Later still...
"Seanie?"
"Mmmmm?"
"I'm hungry."
A soft laugh. "Your feast awaits."
~~~o~~~
Soft music plays from a portable stereo and the grill still exudes a pleasant warmth; while
overhead, the night sky shimmers with a sweep of stars.
Sean drains his glass and gets to his feet. He goes and snuffs the tikis out on the sand,
leaving the farthest one alight. The palpable heat of Elijah's gaze is a brand upon his skin as
he returns and holds out his hand in silent invitation, the torchlight flickering golden in his
eyes. Elijah takes the proffered hand and smiles, a smile of such heart-stopping sweetness; it
fair takes Sean's breath away. Cobalt eyes shift into midnight blue, dark with desire; Elijah
pulls hard and Sean collapses atop him in an explosion of cushions. They roll over, gasping,
hands kneading eager flesh, mouths open, clinging, avid; wet trails traced on silky skin.
Clothes and orchids are ripped off, flung every which way, bare bodies caressed by the breeze,
redolent of salt and the lingering warmth of the day. Elijah moans in protest when Sean pulls
away, only to arch his back, shuddering, when soft lips close on sensitive skin. He is cupped in
a warm hand and Sean takes him deep into his throat, stroking trembling thighs until they fall
open in abject surrender.
"Seandidyoubringlube?" Elijah gasps and blinks dazedly as Sean's reply penetrates his sensual
haze.
"Of course, but... Lijah - please. I want you inside me," Sean whispers raggedly.
Blue eyes stare at him, suddenly alert. "But you've never - are you sure?"
"I'm sure, Lij," Sean moves up to lie beside him and caress his cheek. "I really do want this - if
you're okay with it."
What has happened to staid, conservative and careful Sean? Elijah shivers as he realizes what
is being offered to him. A total reversal of roles. Complete and utter trust. His eyes fill as he
accepts the gift. "Sean, I - I want to love you in every way possible." A wave of tenderness
washes over him and he whispers, "All you ever have to do is ask. You and I - we'll always be
okay."
Elijah stuffs a cushion under Sean's hips, kneels between his thighs and scatters soft kisses
over the taut skin of his stomach, reaching down to stroke Sean's cock to full and aching
hardness. He squeezes out a generous handful of lube and coats himself, gasping softly at the
touch, then moves slick fingers to Sean's ass and inserts a gentle finger, massaging the tight
ring of muscle until it gives. Their eyes meet, and Sean smiles encouragingly. Elijah adds one
more finger, then another, probes, finds, presses firmly, and watches Sean convulse in
surprise. Then he withdraws his fingers and replaces them with his eager cock. He pushes
forward slowly, and meets no resistance. He looks up, panting - Sean nods once, and he goes
deep, in one slow thrust; deep into clenching heat, burying himself to the hilt in his beloved
with a cry of joy.
Sean bites back a gasp at the hot surge of pain. Elijah holds still, quivering, allowing Sean's
body to accustom itself to the intrusion. Then Sean relaxes with a sigh and Elijah begins to
move, silken-sure. Part of Sean's mind, the analytical part, registers the unfamiliar sensation -
the rest of him dissolves, drowned in a swelling wave of pleasure; pinpricks of heat sparkling,
spreading over his skin.
Sean moves his legs higher over Elijah's arms, the better to see his lover's face. Elijah's
expression is solemn, forehead knit with concentration as he pulls back until only the head of
his prick connects them, and he stares down at their joining with wonder alight on his face.
Then his eyes flutter shut and his mouth falls open as he strokes deep with a groan; his fingers
dig into Sean's thighs as his rhythm falters and need rises in him in an urgent tide. Once,
twice, three times he thrusts, hard and fast, angling to hit that sweetest spot, and they cry out
as the pulsing climax takes them both, rising like molten lava, thick and searing, boiling over
to flood the world.
They are wrapped in starlight, cradled in moonlight as they float slowly back to earth. Elijah
withdraws slowly, and subsides onto Sean's chest with a weary sigh of contentment.
"Was it good, babes?" Elijah in shy mode is utterly adorable, and Sean smiles lovingly.
"Fishing for compliments, Lij?" Sean nuzzles the soft hair. "It was amazing - <i>you</i> were
amazing. And we'll definitely do it again." The night air is turning chilly, and he pulls a rug over
to cover them both.
"Sean?"
"Hmm?"
"Um - do you ever regret anything, love? I mean - I see you hurt so much sometimes." He looks
up hesitantly. "You're torn in two still. You'll never be whole."
Sean strokes his cheek with a tender finger. "But I am, Lij; my heart, all the passion I'm
capable of, is completely in your keeping. My love for my children is a different sort entirely. It
doesn't burn me, or consume me - it doesn't take my breath away. Doesn't diminish what is
yours alone."
He cups Elijah's chin in his large hand and looks into the glistening eyes for a long moment.
"Is this what's been eating at you lately?"
Elijah nods sheepishly. "Uh - that and being insanely jealous of Ally." Sean laughs fondly. "You
never - silly hobbit." His arms tighten around Elijah and he confesses, "What you took for hurt
was actually sheer terror. All the plans that went nowhere, the lost opportunities, the ruined
expectations - I've been so scared too, you know. Scared that you wouldn't understand,
terrified that you'd give up on us. Women all over the world adore you and I'm an older man
with -"
He stops when a firm hand covers his mouth. Elijah smiles and shakes his head. "It'll never
happen, Sean. I'll be yours always, if you'll let me. Nothing else matters, you know."
They lie quietly under the stars, completely absorbed in each other. Sean speaks softly, and his
voice is a singing in the moon-lit dark. "We made a promise once, you and I. Do you
remember? After Cirith Ungol, when we chose our road and knew it would be hard. To be
honest with each other, and not to hide the things that matter." He sighs. "I guess we lost
sight of that. Only three years - and we still forgot."
Elijah squirms around and props himself up on Sean's chest. His eyes blaze with
determination, and Sean feels the heat of them on his skin. "We'll promise it again, baby.
Again and again - as often as it takes. Eventually we'll remember; it'll be like your golf and
muscle memory. It'll take lots of patience, but we'll get there, I know we will. 'Cause I love you -
and I plan to be with you for fucking forever."
The torch gutters and goes out, and the beach is paved with moonlight. Soft laughter swells
over the silken sigh of the surf, winnowing through the sand. The moon exerts her pull upon
the waters and on the sea that is a part of everyone; and they rise with her, love under her
light, and revel in...
...sweet lunacy...
The End
| Fire and Shadow |